Chapter 3 Emotional Scale

The ego operates based on fear, judgment; the need to control; the need to be right; and the need to blame (fault-finding). Hence, it produces all kinds of negativity such as anxiety, dread, anger, rage, unhappiness, sorrow, grief, frustration, disappointment, apathy, guilt, shame and the sense of “not enough”. Therefore, we must become aware and not dwell in them. If we do, then we begin to behave accordingly and justify doing harm to others or ourselves. This is why people engage in violence, crime, abuse, taking advantage of one another, manipulation and control. Of course, the ego does not see anything wrong or imbalanced about this because it seems logical when it’s in “fight or flight” mode.

It’s not that we don’t know higher vibrations (positive emotions), but we have a hard time staying in them. We tend to fluctuate emotionally due to fear and judgment; thus, unconditional happiness is not our norm. Our ego only knows conditional happiness (If I get what I want, I feel happy. If I don’t, I feel dissatisfied.) Hence, we know conditional love, but unconditional love is difficult for us to experience. Conditional love or dependent happiness is based on control. If things go the way we want or other people please us, we feel good. As soon as things go awry or people fail to meet our expectations, we react negatively towards them and our emotions fall into lower vibrations. We do this so often (responding adversely) that we get used to feeling stressed, and it has become our norm. Therefore, most people don’t feel true happiness from within.

What we need is courage to raise ourselves up from the low-frequency emotions. Neutrality is key and this is what we’re doing in meditation. We’re practicing neutrality or non-judgment so we can feel totally relaxed and at peace with ourselves. It’s not very glamorous or exciting to our ego, but it’s a doorway to infinite happiness, which is unconditional. You feel joyful no matter what because true happiness is unshakable and it comes with clarity, insight, and wisdom (enlightenment, peace and joy).

The Ego Fights Higher Vibrations

When the ego is exposed to this information, it doesn’t necessarily vibrate at a higher frequency because it relies on fear and judgment. The ego does experience happiness when it gets what it wants, but then it will dip down into the lower vibrations whenever it doesn’t receive what it desires. Hence, the ego doesn’t believe true happiness is possible. It seems ridiculous that you can be infinitely happy all the time for no reason. Of course, when your energy is vibrating at a higher rate, you’ll have a different point of view. It would now seem silly to drop down into the lower vibrations because if you do, you would suffer.

However, you must not neglect the ego and heal your emotional wounds. If you don’t, it’ll keep showing up and pulling you down into feeling bad. Even though you want to heal your ego, the ego fights you because it functions through fight or flight. The higher vibrations feel strange to the ego since it oscillates at a lower spectrum. The ego feels comfortable in the lower vibrations because that is what it’s familiar with. It relies on fear, judgment; the need to control; the need to be right and the need to blame; hence, nothing seems satisfying for long. Even if you’re successful in life and have everything, there’s always a feeling of discontent about something because your ego continues to judge itself and others. Here is how your ego fights you:

1. Be in a State of Denial. The ego denies that there is such thing as true happiness or higher vibrations since it doesn’t experience it all the time. It only knows temporary or conditional joy (when I get what I want, I feel good; when I don’t, I feel bad). Therefore, unconditional happiness does not exist. This is a clever strategy from the ego so it can continue to hang onto its lower vibrations and rely on conditional happiness (look outside of itself to feel good). However, this approach doesn’t quite work because whenever the ego doesn’t get what it desires from the outside world, it reacts resentfully and feels disappointed.

2. The Need to Control and the Need to be Right. The ego hates the idea of letting go because it likes being in control. Letting go feels as if it’s going to lose its power; hence, it will try to dominate. It has the need to be right while it thinks others are wrong. However, this creates a narrow perception for the ego (it sees reality through fear and judgment) and closes itself off from seeing the big picture (not viewing reality through inner peace, clarity, insight, and wisdom).

3. The Need to Judge. Since the ego relies on judgment (perception based on fight or flight), non-judgment doesn’t seem right to the ego. Therefore, it will hang on to being judgmental about everything.

4. Right and Wrong. The ego insists on being right. Whatever the ego likes, it will label that as “right” and whatever the ego doesn’t like, it will identify that as “wrong.” It judges reality based on its likes and dislikes.

5. The Need to Blame. Whenever things go wrong, the ego will try to blame something, someone or itself. Thus, it doesn’t like the idea of non-judgment or “no blame”. By having something to blame, it feels in control and right. It likes finding fault with things.

6. Attachment to the Past and Worry about the Future. The ego builds its sense of self based on failures and successes that occurred in the past. It also has a hard time with traumatic memories and stores a lot of negative reactions inside its own energy. It worries about the future as well and doesn’t like uncertainty.

7. Addiction to Conditional Happiness. The ego seeks pleasure and avoids pain. It does this from a state of lack (it feels incomplete); hence, it relies on something or someone to make itself feel good. This works temporarily, but as soon as it loses or not in control of those things, the ego generates negative responses and creates emotional wounds (you don’t love me, you hurt me, you abandon me, life is not good enough, etc.) so the ego becomes unhappy once more. The ego may rely on drugs, alcohol, consumerism, sex and other addictions to escape from its emotional pain, but sooner or later the ego will experience dissatisfaction with life because all pleasures are short-lived. Even when the ego finds success in the real world, it gets used to the material wealth; thus, it becomes bored at some point. If you ever hang around rich people, you will notice they also have stress and anxiety. Unhappiness is still there since the mind lacks inner peace and does not experience unconditional joy from within (higher vibrations). Conditional happiness, therefore, has its limitations whereas true happiness does not (infinite bliss and clarity). Of course, the ego doesn’t believe that is possible because it only knows lower vibrations and momentary satisfaction.

8. Addiction to Drama and Conflict. The ego finds drama and conflict interesting. It likes to win and hates to lose (winners are superior – good; losers are inferior – bad). For example, to watch a film with only good characters, who do nice things would be very boring for the egoic mind. However, when there are drama, conflict and competition involved, the ego gets engrossed in it. Why does it behave this way? The ego is addicted to fluctuating feelings. Therefore, meditation doesn’t seem intriguing to the ego and it wants to go back to being emotionally up and down. However, when it does that, unhappiness occurs since the ego cannot always get what it wishes. Hence, you must show your ego a different way of being.

By becoming aware of how your ego functions, you can address each concern and help the ego to expand its perspective; thus, it gets integrated into higher vibrations and no longer feels unhappy.

1. Be in a State of Denial. The ego denies that there is such thing as true happiness. By practicing meditation (observing the mind and not getting caught up in thoughts and judgments) you’re showing the ego that it can relax and be at ease with itself. The more it feels at peace, the more it starts to feel good for no reason because its energy begins to expand. Hence, the ego gets a taste of pure joy from within; therefore, it can no longer deny a higher frequency because it’s feeling it. Thus, you must be consistent in your meditation and mindfulness practice and allow yourself to experience unconditional happiness. Lose the attachment to the lower vibrations so you feel light by being a neutral observer of your mind, thoughts and emotions (not entangled in them). Hence, you let your awareness become clear and see reality through inner peace.

2. Instead of having the need to control and the need to be right, look to harmony. How do I create a win-win in this situation? This will help you to become wise because you can look at the circumstance from a bigger perspective. The need to control or dominate really comes from fear (fear of losing, fear of being wrong, fear of not having power). However, you can show the ego that it does not need to be fearful (fight or flight). This happens when you feel relaxed (looking at fear from non-judgment and unconditional love). When you allow your awareness to expand through being at ease, you’ll see other options than just fight or flight; thus, you can make good decisions; create benefits; and do no harm. If you cannot produce a win-win situation when you interact with others, at least you can walk away from the situation feeling tranquil; not bothered by the event, and cause no injury.

3. The Need to Judge. By practicing meditation you’re teaching the ego a different way to discern instead of being judgmental about everything. If the ego can relax, it will feel less threatened and not fearful. It will relate to others much better and not always trying to get its own way and be in conflict. Hence, you can teach your ego to discern through inner peace (being in a state of relaxation), which allows your awareness to widen. It will inspire you to create a win-win and not trying to control one another. Make decisions based on the feeling of joyfulness from within and you will flow with life and not hate difficulties, but feel at ease in your life journey.

4. Right and Wrong. The notion of right and wrong creates conflict. What is right for one may be wrong for another; thus, we cannot see eye to eye. This can produce endless arguments and disharmony. Instead of using right and wrong, which is based on likes (what you like is right) and dislikes (what you don’t like is wrong), you can use non-judgment and neutrality (inner peace) to weigh in on the issue. When you feel at peace, you’re not so attached to right and wrong. You become flexible in how you see reality and look to cooperate rather than arguing on what is true or false. This produces benefits for all and you have no need to punish others or yourself. When you have equanimity, you don’t have the urge to do harm because you’re in unity consciousness and have access to a bigger perspective.

5. The Need to Blame. The need to blame comes from fear and the ego has a fault-finding mind such as I feel bad because you did this to me or I feel bad because I’m not good enough (not getting what you desire). It wants to blame something, someone or itself for the unhappy feeling. Thus, you must give up playing the blame game altogether. This may sound very strange to your ego because it wants to find fault. However, if you keep playing the blame game, you will always be in the lower vibrations. Even though it feels satisfying for the ego to have something to blame, its energy does not expand. Therefore, when you forgive and place no blame on anything or anyone (including yourself), you’ll begin to feel lighter (your energy expands and moves into a higher frequency). Of course, you forgive with wisdom so you no longer repeat your negative behaviors. When your mind feels at ease, it naturally moves away from disharmony and resides in joy. This sense of lightness is so blissful that it does not dip down into blame.

6. Attachment to the Past and Worry about the Future. Most people think they’re their past and they worry about their future. They don’t live in the now. The present moment actually allows you to be most joyful when you can enjoy it as it is and put no condition on it. For example, you are wowed by your own breathing, breathing deeply in and out. Just by appreciating it and be in this moment (not worrying about anything else), you allow yourself to feel happy unconditionally. It’s not the big things in life, but it’s the little things. You may see flowers; people smiling on the street; kids playing and laughing, and you acknowledge that with gratitude. Even when you don’t see anything good, you still feel lighthearted anyway because you have inner peace (vibrating at a higher frequency); thus, you enjoy each moment, may it be work or play. When your mind is at ease, you don’t dwell on your past. It’s not that you forget, but you have learned from it and moved on to the now. Of course, the now is ever changing; thus, you’re new in each moment. When you allow yourself to flow with this, you feel refreshed all the time and not tied to your past. Who you are is now (always brand new); thus, there is no longing to go back to what once was. When you think about the traumatic events that took place, you gain clarity, insight, and wisdom from them and have no anxiety (not attached to your negative reactions) since your mind is at peace. This allows you to move forward and build reality based on inspiration and creativity; thus, you generate your highest joy. You feel a sense of freedom by living in the now (not burdened by the past or worry about the future).

7. Addiction to Conditional Happiness. Certainly, conditional happiness is great when you get what you want. However, you don’t always get what you yearn for, and this really bothers your ego (fear, judgment, the sense of lack and the feeling of not enough). Therefore, it’s your duty to show your ego unconditional happiness. Now, the ego will argue with you on this because it thinks that it’s impossible because it only knows conditional happiness (When I get what I want, I feel happy. When I don’t, I feel dissatisfied). It believes it must react or respond negatively every time it doesn’t get what it desires. It does this so much that it produces tremendous stress on itself; as the result, you feel unhappy with life. Through practicing meditation and becoming intimate with your ego you’re showing it how to relax. It will struggle at first because the ego responds with fight or flight. However, the more you practice (breathe deeply and slowly and simply enjoy the present moment), the ego starts to calm down (enjoys the deliciousness of breathing) and sees the benefit in this. It begins to access other options such as clarity, insight, wisdom, creativity, inspiration; seeing the big picture; having no expectation; letting go, and feeling at ease. The ego is able to embrace these new aspects because it feels relaxed (oscillating at a higher vibration); hence, it switches lens (how it sees reality) from the narrow perspective of fight or flight to a broader perception of inner peace, which leads it to feel unconditionally happy with itself and others. Once it gets used to embodying the higher frequencies, it won’t go back to unhappiness. If it’s still going back to that, then it has not healed its emotional wounds. Therefore, just keep practicing and having fun with it. Allow yourself to heal and feel at ease with each negative thought and feeling; thus, you transform/integrate each one and enter into a higher vibration. You can relax your way into true happiness.

8. Addiction to Drama and Conflict. You may enjoy seeing dramatic tension, violence, and conflict in movies, but do you need to bring that into your everyday life? Unfortunately, the ego does because it relies on fear, judgment and the instinct of fight or flight. Since it operates this way, it tends to create drama and conflict (if you hurt me, I’ll hurt you – tit for tat). However, you can show the ego a different way of being that is more exciting than being in a lower vibration (fight or flight). By practicing meditation you begin to ease into centering, relaxing and feeling emotionally balanced. Bit by bit you train yourself to lose interest in drama and conflict (been there, done that and thank you). Now you find yourself being in harmony, creating win-win situations and no longer feel the need to do harm because hurting others is the same as hurting yourself. Thus, you enjoy creating congruence and helpful things. This makes your life much easier and you have better relationships with others instead of thinking in duality such as:

I win and you lose or you win and I lose
I don’t care if it hurts you, but I’m going to do it since it benefits me (taking advantage of one another).
It’s my way or the highway (not considerate of others)
You or I deserve to be punished or I deserve to be free while you get punished (the idea of right and wrong)
The winners receive a lot while the losers get none (rewards and penalties).

It’s imperative to move from duality into unity consciousness. You can educate your ego and show what it’s like to be emotionally balanced. It’s very exciting to experience inner peace because one can tap into higher intelligence. When the ego sees this, it naturally withdraws from conflict and drama and deals with life in a new way.

It becomes kinder and more loving to itself and extends this kindness and unconditional love to others.
It’s interested in producing profits for others and itself without the need to take advantage. It has integrity and honesty.
It’s not interested in drama, conflict; right and wrong; being judgmental or complaining, but it discerns through inner peace and sees harmonious solutions.
It’s not interested in competition, but cooperation.
It does no harm.

Insight #12: The ego is not your enemy. Allow yourself to integrate your ego with your higher vibrations so that it can expand and harmonize (heart-brain coherence).

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Chapter 3 – Emotional Scale

Chapter 3

Emotional Scale

The Ego Fights Higher Vibrations